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May 1, 2019

 

It feels so good to reach out to you and be back in my writer's chair. I stopped working on my book, my blog, and my monthly Shout Outs in mid-September when I began packing to move. I did send out a blog to my list December 23, 2018, called “A Moving Experience,” which is a sort of eulogy for the home I was leaving at Twin Lakes. That blog was recently uploaded to my site. I had had some very deep and interesting experiences while packing and distributing things I was not going to keep. 


I am just emerging from that unexpected, profoundly initiatory descent that began mid-September when I started preparing to move. I was very focused on packing consciously, not rushing, and really feeling into what I was keeping and what I was not. Today, after a long break from writing, it feels new and fresh as I return to the upper world here in new surroundings. My internal world is also new, yet to be revealed. It was hard to leave the Twin Lakes area, and I still haven’t fallen in love with living in central Boulder, about 5 minutes from everything that feeds the soul, is naturally good for the body, or smells like fresh-baked bread. The large, light-filled office/art studio space I am still organizing called to me because I had not made art, or even opened the boxes, in three years at Twin Lakes. Writing was my exclusive art once I arrived there. Now it is both. 


The move happened the first week of January and it took until March for me to place almost every item in my new home, except my art supplies. After that, I had intended to dive right into organizing my materials and studio but fortunately, I got sick. Pneumonia. For a month. A new experience for me. It was in a very liminal, timeless time most days, and that was familiar and easy. My bed became the center of my world for several weeks. I was aware of the spirit and presence of my sweet, little, black poodle, Rumi, right there with me. As long as I did not move too much, there was no pain or coughing. As I got better, it became sort of a stay-cation with coughing fits.

 
I was not the doer, as doing was out of the question. Being took over and I completely surrendered. My spine and bones let go into the softness of flannel sheets and cozy afghans--all Divine Arrangement. I really needed a long, deep, rest and also knew I would not have given myself more than a few days off. This turned into nearly a month of deep rest, dreamtime, naps when needed, streaming movies and really good tv shows. My eyes would not allow for reading for a couple weeks and it took too much energy to turn the pages. Sometimes I was wide awake for late-night movies and some new kind of caramel-crunchy-chocolatey ice cream to help me regain the 12.5 lbs that I had lost since September. My most precious times came in stillness, just being, no thinking, no doer, being with MA, completely in Her lap.

 
 My rabid need to get settled in my new place fell away, as did all inner voices that had anything to do with doing anything. My inner Boss Lady was nowhere to be heard. I am noticing changes in my awareness and nervous system, feeling like my brain was rearranged by all of that rest and non-doing. Surrendering to what is, moment to moment, is always so deepening. I am dedicated to that path and notice, even now, I feel myself to be lodged in an upgraded experience of simply being and meeting what arises from stillness. I feel the creative coals heating up and soon going to poke them with a paintbrush. Sadly, the Bacchanalian ice-cream fest is over as I have gained back the pounds. The Gift of walking pneumonia, despite how really awful it felt in my body, was out-shined by the light of peace and joy that has come from simply having all that time off to just be with what is, to follow the Shaggy Pony.


Between the worlds. 
Between the words. 
I am the implicit
Silence.  

 

I came to the realization that Life itself is a Mystery School. We each are incarnated with our divinely arranged and unique curriculum, teachers, teachings, trials, tribulations, blessings and boons, that continually point to, and move us ultimately toward recognition of our mysterious, wondrous, unconditioned Essential Being. 
 

Sat Nam & Jai Jai MA! 
 

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